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Last week Emily suggested that I read The Perks of Being a Wallflower. She was right, it is a great book. I wish it would have come out before 1999, it would have been a good thing for me to read early on in high school. Emily didn't say why she suggested it for me but I have a feeling it's because the main character in the book and I had and have some of the same characteristics (though he was a lot more messed up). Throughout high school I tended to be an observer, trying to understand how people work and do what they do. I was always the quiet guy and remember telling people I didn't have anything to say when they said I wasn't saying anything. I don't really know when or why I started being like that but I think it may have started in junior high after getting picked on and ridiculed well not really ridiculed but you know what I mean about being the "smart kid" and "teachers pet." I didn't really shut down but I also didn't put myself out there as much. I still participated in class, Scouts, and even clubs at school, places I felt confident and comfortable, but socially instead of being the awkward kid that didn't self censor I censored myself too much. I had friends and still have them. I developed a close set that still is there for me everyday and that was great and still is, but I also wasn't the social butterfly. In high school I didn't get picked on and generally got along with everyone but I wasn't the center of attention, preferring instead to watch and observe. This continued into college for a couple of years until I found people that had common interests and then I had college friends, but I still know that I've always been guarded about letting people in. I know in the last couple of years that I have gotten better about things, my conversational skills have improved and I am not as afraid to open up, though it still takes a long time. Going to school in Chapel Hill was a step in the right direction but I still realized that I feel into that same ol' pattern and made excuses about why I didn't have a lot of friends. I hope moving to Raleigh will help continue my evolution, I don't know anyone except Susanna and we don't see each other very often, I will be forced to put myself out there or else I'll just come home to my empty apartment everyday after work and never have friends and that really doesn't sound like a good plan.

I know what you're thinking, man Brian sounds like he's depressed. I'm not depressed, I just felt like writing about why I think Emily told me to read the book.

In other, more positive news, Tech beat Auburn handily on Saturday. I have work to do at work. Finally, Emily is now a ZTA at UNC which is in addition to her society membership in TZE at Wellesley.

P.S. Vote for Buzz!!!